my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
