I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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