It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
