Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
