Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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