Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
