You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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