it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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