There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
