I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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