I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
