I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
