Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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