I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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