she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You are a genius and a whore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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