It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
