I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
