my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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