The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
