Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
