Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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