I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
