I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
