i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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