so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
