If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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