i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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