We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
