Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
