Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
