she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
