he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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