Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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