I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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