i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
