Say something about gay babies.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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