Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
