I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
