either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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