How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
