I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
