Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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