I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
