You smell like a Billy Joel song
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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