I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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