I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They have beer where we have blood.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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