I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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