i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
