Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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