I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
