i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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