Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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