Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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