I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
