If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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