I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
