my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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