Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
