God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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