have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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