He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
