I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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