could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
