This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
