I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
