I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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