My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
