all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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