I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to rekindle our bromance
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
