Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
