People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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