Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
