It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
