Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize