I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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