Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
