she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He has the fingertips of a God
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