just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
