I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
