The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
