Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
