first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
