you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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