so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Couch. On fire.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
