ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A bitchslap is in order.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
