meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
