we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize