remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
