evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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