I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
